The glory in being crushed by God

I´m learning what God does with everyone, in one way or another, in their first year on the mission field.  Simply what He does is expose everything that is easily hidden in your life in America and then deal with it.  We, like so many of the families down here, have been going through a continued string of various trials.  It seems that God is exposing a great majority of our individual weaknesses, which are crushing, and then teaching us much about us and His character and grace. 

I had one of those milestone moments of being crushed by God today, but in a glorious way.  To start off, God is teaching me of my inability to do anything.  Back in the States I had no problems sharing the gospel with anyone.  Having shared the gospel with enough people on the street that I almost never heard a new argument, I simply knew how to answer almost every question I got on the street with Scripture.  But it is different down here.  The language and cultural barrier are much more enormous than I even imagined.  As my friend Joe and I were sharing the gospel with a man on the street yesterday and the man had some very messed up beliefs that I could easily straighten out in English but not in Spanish.  It is very humbling that I can´t explain simple truths to a man standing in front of me and I then have to leave him on the street with a tract.  Taking comfort in the fact that God is Sovereign is a load off my shoulders but none the less, it is still frustrating that I can´t get all the information in my brain out of my mouth.

Then, through various trials, God revealed yet another weakness in me.  With everything going on, I always am the one in the family that is stable in trials and thinks clearly.  This became expected and as I trusted in my ability to lead my family biblically, raise my kids biblically, handle trials biblically, pray biblically and on and on, I found that I was utterly failing.  Not that I was doing these outward things contrary to the bible but I was depending on my ability to do these things and not God´s ability to change the hearts of others and myself.  The burden that I placed on myself to hold everything together (even though I had an intellectual understanding that God was holding everything together) grew greater and greater until I couldn´t bear it anymore.  This was the point of God crushing me yesterday.  I experienced that I couldn´t hold anything together. 

God opened my eyes to see what I had been doing, I talked with Kim for a long time, which God used Kim in this to bring me comfort.  I repented and gave the heavy burden to my Savior who´s burden is light.  I had such a weight lifted off me and so much joy.  I expeirenced so much through this trial (which I left out a lot of detail) about myself and God, grew spiritually in a giant leap and learned how important, valuable, and indispensible that my wife is to me.  I learned and experienced that Kim and I are both so dependent on God for absolutely sustaining all things and that God made us one flesh to continually bear each others burdens, encourage each other, hold each other accountable and to point each other to Christ and the gospel.

The trials in the last 3 months have been hard but so glorious.  I have never been more dependent on or satisfied with my glorious Savior. 

Christ has regarded my helpless estate and He has shed His own blood for my soul!